The Beginnings of a Manifesto

on 08 November 2010

Hi.

Well.

Not so much has changed.

Chris still doesn't have a job.  He's continuing to send in applications, emailing and calling his contacts in the hopes that someone will push him to the front.  The problem is that it's just slower than slow.  We're both discouraged and feeling impatient.

My last day is Friday.  I'm past ready to be done.  I feel like the whole thing was a huge waste--a waste in time, money, frustration and disruption for the Boy, and exhaustion for me?  And for what?  We didn't really make enough money from it to make a huge difference.  And that makes me more frustrated and irritated than I can accurately convey in words.

I have a new respect for working mothers.  I should qualify that statement.  I have a huge new respect for mothers who are forced by circumstances to work outside the home.  Their lives are incredibly difficult, none of their choices are easy, and I'd be willing to bet good money that most of them are just doing the best they can.

That said.  I have a Bachelors degree from the University of Washington.  I graduated with honors.  I speak three languages.  I have a masters degree from the University of Georgia, I used all three of those languages in my thesis.  I've taught in a university, I've done administrative work in a variety of professional settings from a major research university to the Port of Seattle.  I've traveled the length and breadth of this country and in parts of western Europe.  And what I can tell you is this:

In comparison with all of that I choose Motherhood any day of the week.

It's hard.  Some days more so than others.  It's thankless and exhausting.  It's repetitive and monotonous.  It's sticky and noisy.  And yet.  At the end of every single day, I tuck my boy in to bed and I know in my bones that I am doing the work I was sent here to do.  I know that in the course of the day, I've done something meaningful and good.  In all my years, and in the variety of work I've done, I NEVER felt that at the end of the day.

I don't feel for a moment that my education is wasted, that my potential is somehow wasted.  I feel that there can be no more demanding need for my intellect, my skills and talents than to Mother this amazing boy.

3 comments:

Katrina said...

beautifully said, M!

ps...have you heard of mormonstories.org? i think you'd find some of the podcasts intriguing.

Cel and JP said...

I love you for your courage; both on and off the blog. And I agree with you. You are doing what you were born to do: nurturing that sweet little boy into the grown man he was sent here to become. I'm so grateful for mothers like you who are willing to embrace it and find joy in it. "Come what may, and love it." I miss you and your wonderfully tender and stalwart mother heart. I'll be praying for that light at the end of the tunnel to show itself. :)

Rae said...

love this. today, I was changing Colin's diaper, thinking about how much I hate mornings, how much I hate bills, how much I'd love those really awesome boots at Target and how the mother-has-a-migraine magnet stinks. Sulky, facing a mess in the kitchen that Someone Else told me they'd clean, I had a terrible attitude.

Then, I looked up and a smile immediately crossed Colin's face as he recognized mine- his mom's. So money can stink, house cleaning can stink, and butts can stink. But these smiles, and knowing I'm the only one who gets them out weighs it all.

You're all in my prayers. I hope Friday comes soon!