Weep

Why is it that, right before leaving your only child for the first time, you can't seem to remember how awful those first few weeks were? Or the teething that made you want to die? Or the diapers that haunt your dreams?

Why?

Why is it that the only child is always lovely and sweet and tender and so SO attatched to you? Why does it hurt my heart so much to leave him behind?



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Last night, I fed him dinner. I bathed him. I dressed him in his fleecey pajamas. I held him tightly while he drank warm milk. We brushed teeth. We said prayers. We had a long cuddle in the dark. I explained that Mama had to go away for a little while, but that I would come back. I will always come back. That Grandma and Grandpa love him and won't let anything bad happen. And I will always always come back.

And then I laid him down to sleep and left the room.

I woke up this morning, I dressed in the dark. I zipped my bag and walked out the door. I'm trusting that everything will be ok. I believe that everything will be ok.

It still hurts.