The Blog Posts that Weren't

So, I sent Whimsy this text on the first day in New York about the blog posts that I wanted to write (so badly!) but knew that I could not. I simply could not. So for your amusement, on this Tuesday morning, I provide you with an explanatory list of the Blog Posts that should have been (if I were a meaner girl).

1. A Photo Essay of New York HAIR. I can't tell you how many bizarre, unkempt or just ugly heads of hair I saw while I was there. There was the long and shaggy 70s man-do, there were mullets to bring a swell of pride to any redneck heart, there were long chunky spikes, bad dye-jobs, mohawks and afros that should NOT have been. There were comb-overs and helmet hair and people who obviously thought they looked fabulous when they left their apartment that morning. When asked why I do not have photographic evidence of this Tour de Force, the reason is simple. I cannot bring myself to surrepitiously take a picture of someone's hair in order to mock them. I just could not do it. I wanted to do it. Chris and I continued to point out examples of horrific hair to one another throughout the visit, but I just couldn't do it. You'll have to take my word for it. It was something else.
2. A Photo Essay of How all New York Women Look the SAME. I was surprised by this one, but it's true. They all wear the same scarves, they have the same spikey shoes--how they walk in those, I have no idea--they carry the same handbags, they use the same phones and ipods, wear the same style jeans (it's all skinny jeans all the time and really, is there anyone who looks good in those?). It was moderately discomforting to look around and see how homogenous the world is.
3. A Scratch and Sniff Essay on the following places: the Subway, Hell's Kitchen, Times Square and Ellis Island. Really, people, this is what the internet is MISSING. SMELL. WHEN is Bill Gates going to work this one out? Anyway, I wish you could imagine the variety of these smells. The Subway...oh how it stinks. It's this weird mix of stale air, exhaust fumes, body odor, and bad breath...really bad breath. And what made it even stranger was how you'd find a perfectly tolerable pocket of air and then woosh! you'd get this breeze of stench that would make your face wrinkle up and leave you gasping. Then there was Hell's Kitchen--a neighborhood not far from Times Square. There are TONS of restaurants there, it's eatery after eatery after eatery, a foodie paradise! And you can literally find any ethnicity of food you can imagine, Afghan, Thai, Barbeque, Mexican, Vietnamese, pastries, fresh food markets, delis, diners and Starbucks! Starbucks on every corner imaginable. But the smells! It was AMAZING! You'd be walking down the street and smell something spicey and aromatic and then walk 6 feet and it would be pungent or floral, or sweet or sour or limey. It was extraordinary. I could have spent the day just walking up and down and smelling. Times Square was a bit more exotic than the Subway. Still smelly, but with greater variety...more colognes, more tabacco, more alcohol. Ellis Island? Ellis Island is a treat! You get all of those human smells, soap, sweat, whatever, but then you also have random food smells, and then there's this aromatic patina that's leftover from the years and years that Ellis Island was in operation. It's amazing and indescribable, which is why we need Bill Gates to get on that internet-scratch-and-sniff.