Found

5 years ago today I was fueled entirely on air and diet coke. Wonder why I remember that? Because 5 years ago today I got married, and I was that freaked out that I was nauseous and using diet coke (of all things!) to settle my already frayed nerves.

I learned to hide well at the University of Washington. I had attended a small community college before heading off to the UW (go HUSKIES!) and I had hated how conspicuous I felt. I loved the UW because I was just one more student among thousands. I wrapped myself in anonymity and wallowed in it. I learned to sneak into classes and sit in the very back. I perfected the art of silence in the classroom, never ever drawing attention to myself--except in my work. I love the campus because there are hundreds of hidden nooks and crannies just perfect for studying. You can lose yourself there. It was my idea of heaven.

And then I flew South for grad school. I fully intended on maintaining my hiding habits at the University of Georgia. Sadly, I showed up and was instant news in the department--a student from SEATTLE of all places. I searched and searched for nooks and crannies, places to lose myself in my work. I never did find anywhere that felt as homey as my nooks and crannies up North.

I spent last weekend moving my documents from our desktop computer on to my laptop. It was a lovely experience, as I found all sorts of things I didn't know that I still had. Among the many little treasures I found all of the emails that Chris had sent to me when we were dating and engaged. I spent a quiet Monday night rereading them and weeping into my nachos.


What struck me about the emails was not the almost appalling honesty, nor how frequently and variously he told me that he loved me. What struck me was how often he would sign off by saying, "I'm coming to find you." or simply "I'll find you..." I hadn't realized that I had been hiding from more than just other students. Looking back, it was a wasted effort anyway, if Chris has a superhuman power it's his ability to find me.

A couple of weekends ago we watched the movie Juno together. We both enjoyed it, though parts of it were painful to watch for a variety of reasons (I am well acquainted with the misery of high school as well as the misery of pregnancy--I can't IMAGINE combining the two). I think one of the best parts is when Juno goes to her father to ask him if love ever works out and this is what he says to her:

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your a**. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

I've found my guy. And he's found me. And I'm sticking with him. Happy Anniversary, Babe. Thanks for always finding me.