Pregnant Catering--High Comedy

You will all excuse me please while I NOM NOM NOM on some delicious falafel and hummus and oh my goodness-date baklava from Mediterranean Deli.

You all remember, I'm sure, my absolute loathing of all things party related? Especially the catering bit?

I have never laughed so hard at a catering experience, as I have now laughed at this one. Here's the story.

So, yesterday one of my professional types sends me an email from the airport in Hawaii from whence she was returning and asked me to arrange for catering for a lunch for 20ish people TODAY. Now, I hate catering under normal circumstances with a week to make decisions and brace myself for the unpleasantness of the whole affair but 1 DAY!?

Alas, I have only 2 weeks left of work (unless my Boy is very punctual--which, dude, he's his father's son, if he's comfortable, there's no moving him until he HAS to) so I took it on the chin and said, "Sure. No problem." I make the phone calls, make the choices and order the food. It helped tremendously that I was ordering from one of my favorite restaurants in town.

Anyway, so I called the guy and explained the situation and he keeps murmuring, "Yes, yes we do that..." and finally I apologized for the late notice and not really knowing what was going on and he says, "You do not worry! I make a beeee-yooouuu-ti-ful lunch for you!" At which point I crack up laughing and thank him and go on my way.

So today comes. And I'm here a work work working away because work is working the last drop of workiness out of me and the catering delivery man calls. It's a different guy than I spoke with yesterday and he's lost. He's on the wrong street looking at the building next to ours, and I'm distracted from all the work. So I tell him just to veer to the right--which he can't do because that would be on a SIDEWALK. I hang up the phone and realize what I just said to this poor man so I get up and schlep my 9 months pregnant self outside and flag him down.

He pulls the van up on the curb and (there is no other word for it) GAPES at me. He gets out of the van and I apologize for giving him awful directions, I give him better directions and tell him that I will meet him on the other side of the building if he'll just drive around the block and he looks at me, looks at the belly, looks back at my face with this very CONCERNED expression and says, "Ok. But DON'T HURRY." And I chuckle and say that I'll be very careful!

At this point, I laughed myself up the hill, into the building and out the other side. He was just pulling up and loading the platters and trays onto a cart and he kept saying, "No! Don't lift, I will lift! Don't hurry! I will take care of it!" So I let him. The kid could not have been more than 19, I have no idea where he learned about pregnant women but where ever it was, they seriously scare the crap out of him.

So we make a couple of trips in and he helps me set everything up and I'm looking at the spread--most all of it is familiar because the Husband and I have eaten there A LOT. Baby has craved falafel throughout the pregnancy. Anyway, I was pointing to one of the sauces that I didn't recognize and I asked him what it was and he looks at it and looks at me and says, "This very hot sauce, YOU DON'T EAT IT." And I crack up laughing again and tell him the truth--I'm pretty ready for this baby to get here, I'll try anything. At which point, "He groans and says, "I can't watch."

He left me the invoice and promised to come back at 4pm for the platters and such and he was so charming and funny that I could have hugged him right there, but I think my very presence was kind of scaring him so I didn't.

Before I left to go back to all the work work working, my professional types insisted on me taking a plate back to my desk before the students and everyone went to town on it...which, I usually wait until everyone else has eaten before availing myself but they wouldn't let me go without taking food so I did and it was de-lic-ous.