Birth Class--Circus of the Epidurals

Last night was our first birth class.

Sadly, I had not slept at all the night before. So, mustering the energy was a test of wills, a feat of strength not to be underestimated by all of you "normal sleepers" out there. We were on campus from 8am until 9pm and had some yum-tastic Greek food for dinner.

Back to birth class, right! That's the topic of this post!

Somewhere we both read that we needed to bring a pillow and blanket to class, but then on the official instructions and directions there was no such edict so we brought them but left them in the car because we--well, I--was looking at the directions and saw that it was held in "Conference Room 3" and thought, "Dude. It's a conference room! There won't be room for a group of pregnant women to LIE DOWN."

Anyway, so we track down the mighty conference room 3 and lo, our instructor is this very small, very quiet, very sweet girl who said, "Oh yes. You'll need a pillow and blanket." And I looked around and sure enough the conference room was LARGE and the furniture pushed back against the walls. Lo, I am dumb. Anyway, the Husband, in his noble glory went back to the car for me and brought back the pillow and blanket and then took the social lead because I am socially inept.

There are 8 couples (ourselves included) and a more different group of people would be difficult to imagine. From the incredibly high strung girl in hot pink "I don't like situations I can't control, I NEED to have a PLAN!" to the charming hippies at the end of our row, "I don't want a plan, I just want to enjoy the PROCESS." And everything in between.

Jane Austen once wrote to her niece that "3 or 4 families in a small village was just the thing for a novel." She proved it by the way that she wrote and lived her life, and when you think about all of the really great drama out there--whether movies, television or books--she's right. I only wish I had the skill and the motivation to convey to you the levels of ridiculous behavior I witnessed last night.

My problem is that every time I go to write an example it sounds mean. And I don't really want to be mean. After all, these couple are like us. They're first time parents who are nervous and excited and have NO CLUE what's going to happen...and as silly and ludicrous as some of their "goals" and claims were for themselves--I can't really find fault with them. Well, I could, but I'd rather not mock them for being so wide-eyed and hopeful.

In the end we met some nice people--not terribly well informed about health care, maternity care, and what happens in the process of birth--but nice people.

Needless to say, the Husband and I are the furthest along. I was a little mortified. I had assumed that childbirth classes were for women in the last couple of months but me and one other girl were the ONLY ones in the 3rd trimester. I got nervous introducing ourselves and blurted out that we had a bit of indecision so we were apparently coming into the class a bit on the late side. Oh well! Better late than never, right?! We'll actually reach full term during the class.

I was sitting there surrounded by these very petite girls with these very discrete and polite baby bumps...and voila! Hello world! My belly enters the room a full 2 minutes before I do! I have one pair of pants that fits me! Why, no! I don't want to lay on my side because I have heartburn and that only aggravates it! Relaxation? The Husband and I don't know the meaning of the word!! Ask me about tension and I'll tell you I thrive on it!!!

Honestly, I feel like the evening was a success--if for no other reason that that we managed to make it out without me falling down or either of us humiliating ourselves in any way. The Husband actually said some rather sweet things in front of the whole group about his role in the process and how to help me and it was so sweet and so PUBLIC that I have no idea what came over him.