Potluck Issues

I have issues. Potluck issues.

Here is my problem.

Aside from the Meat Issue--as in, everyone drowns every living thing in MEAT--people just eat strange food! They put FRUIT in SALAD. Fruit has no place in a salad! It's sweet! You can't mix sweet and savory! Then you never want to go back to the savory! It's bad nutritional practice! They drown everything in SAUCE. There is such a thing as too much sauce people...Salad shouldn't be Soupy! If you need a SPOON to eat solid food there might be a problem. Put down the bottle of sauce and step away from the serving dish. Nothing is ever as warm as it should be, you're given nothing but plastic utensils to cut through things with, and everything TOUCHES. Then there's the cattle drive. You know what I'm talking about, everyone in line waiting to walk the line of food and the people in front and behind you quietly (and disdainfully) surveying your plate and wondering why you're so picky that you're not eating EVERYTHING. It's too much. I cannot take it...I must FLEE.

Does anyone else see a problem here? It's seriously cruel and unusual punishment to continue to hold these kinds of events...but HOW do we get people to leave off and realize the total INSANITY of what they're suggesting as a holiday party?

I can understand a dessert potluck where everyone brings a sweet of some kind and shares and you eat tiny little portions and talk over the merits of one dessert or another...but that's it! I'm officially over the potluck edge...someone save me...send a rescue party...and also normal food.