The Breaking of the Age

Yuri Tynianov wrote about the Decembrists, that they were those who had "out-lived" their age, that their time had been broken and they had survived it, and as such they were men outside of time. Their existences became fractured, just as the age had been fractured. I think that he felt this way himself during and after the Russian Revolution, that he was living outside of time and that he no longer belonged in the time in which he lived.

I wrote my thesis on this stuff so I've done quite a bit of thinking about it. I think that there are events in our lives which break the age for everyone, all mankind, history if you will. Events like WW2 and the Holocaust. Or even the Industrial Revolution. They are events from which we can never go back, we can never return to the way things had been before them. We can never unlearn the knowledge that we've gained, or un-see the things that we've seen.

I was in the air on September 11th. It is a strange thing to me, flying. So very unnatural. It seems to me that when we fly we pierce the membrane that holds us tightly to the earth and defines us--so for those few hours we become fluid souls, people without family, nation or race. People undefined by social class, religion or education. I feel as though, on that day 6 years ago, I left behind who had been and became someone else entirely. I feel as though my time, my age was broken, and I am left behind as a witness that once upon a time, we lived in a sort of spoiled peace...well, in our sheltered and naive corner of the world.

Perhaps witness isn't the correct word. Because I don't in fact, witness, to anything. For the most part I remain silent on the subject. I don't talk about my experiences on That Day. I don't talk about how strange it feels to be shut out from your own country. How it cuts the ties of loyalty you may have felt for any patriotic ideal. How you watch events, some heroic and extraordinary, as someone completely removed, as from a great distance.

Perhaps that feeling of distance is what defines the breaking of an age. I have debated the issue often in my mind, as to whether or not 9/11 broke the age for everyone...or just those of us who witnessed it in very intimate ways. It certainly doesn't compare with the Holocaust, or The Purges, so how then do we classify this Thing that we also use as an adjective? How do we go on when we know...we do not belong here. Not only here, in this place, but here in this time?

I know. I'm straying close the edge of whinging. And I'm not unhappy. I'm not (often) troubled by it. It certainly provides a unique perspective on things.