Name Game Burns-style

So. I am surrounded by pregnant women. Okay. That could be pushing it a bit. My bestgoodfriend Whimsy is knocked up, SH with whom I work is in the family way, and two of my favorite bloggers are with child as well (Sundry and So the Fish Said). The Husband and I are NOT in the family way. I should like to assert this before getting to the point of this post, as I know how people's imaginations work--move on people. I. am. not. pregnant. I have a lot of friends who are parents though, so the name issue continuously comes up with The Husband and I, because we are neurotic and terrified of parenthood and so we stave off the family planning with discussion of names.



Those who know me generally also know that I am the token hippy in my family and I play the role with more than a touch of glee. I also periodically use the token hippy status to torture my family and The Husband with various name suggestions.



I love the name Tallulah (there's this amazing state park in Georgia that surrounds Tallulah Falls and it's so pretty it will make your eyes water).



I love the name Agnes (I know. My family would have scalped me for naming a child that, so I settled for naming one of the Cats).



I am a vegetarian and as such I laugh perversely at the idea of naming our children after beef. I give you Angus, Kobe and Chuck. HAHAHAHA! Oh, c'mon! That's funny! Oh, fine.



These games of imaginary torture have led the Husband to compile Burnstopia's Rules for Naming Future Offspring. I give you the list of rules that by virtue of Burnstopia I am compelled to obey (the Husband is seriously funny--I hope one day to likewise compel him to post and then you will all know what I have known for some time).



1. No single syllable first names. (as we have a single syllable last name, this rule makes a fair amount of sense.)

2. No first names ending with an 's' sound. (again, with the last name ending in 's' this is fairly logical)

3. No numbers in any language. (farewell, Una)

4. No colors.

5. No nicknames that leave the family. ever.

6. NO HIPPY NAMES. (see my aforementioned love of the name Tallulah, which The Husband deems hippy worthy because there is a natural landmark that carries the same name...go figure.)

7. No rhyming names. enough said.

8. No cities or states. (so much for Savannah, Sidney, Dakota et al)

9. No animals (au revoir Leon)

10. Nothing obviously foreign. (so much for Nadezhda, Estella and Amelie)

11. No attributes (there goes Grace, Hope etc.).

12. No foods. (The Husband swears he's heard of people named Wholewheat, Lemonjello and of course this forbids a wee Angus...)

13. No punctuation, hyphens, apostrophes etc. bummer. The Husband is a real joy-killer sometimes.

14. No gender bending. I know...we're those kind of people!

15. No fancy spellings...people! Y is at the END of the alphabet for a reason!

16. No pop-icons, people, please!

17. No obvious vocations (Tanner, Hunter, Thatcher...Fishmonger. Alas...)

18. No adjectives. We were at Sams the other day and saw this employee named Elegant. Good grief.

***Edited September 22, 2012, yes, we have two children and Chris is STILL adding rules!***

19.  No Brand Names (sorry, Mercedes, Kendall, or Cruz)

20.  No months (April, June, even May is out!)

21.  No Seasons (bye-bye Autumn, it was nice knowing you...)

22.  No backward spellings (Chris insists that he's met a Nevaeh)

And the list grows. When we first got married it was only 1, 2 and 8. Now it's all the way up to 22! At the rate we're going, even if we have children we'll never be able to name them!