How Sweet it is...

on 10 November 2011

I failed the 3-hour glucose test.

And so I have the added pleasure of gestational diabetes for the next 8 weeks.  YAY!  Just what I always wanted!  Sugar-free holidays!

***

You know, I spent about 4 days sulking over it and then I woke up one morning, shrugged my shoulders and said, "Oh well, M, you can't be good at everything.  What's next?"

And much as I wanted to be good at being pregnant and having babies, I'm just not.  And after 4 days of sulking, I'm ok with that.  I'm good at other stuff.

Sadly, this likely means that my chances of a VBAC go down the toilet.  I'm meeting with my OB/GYN next week to do the evaluation and we'll see what he says, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

***

I've started listening to Christmas music 'round these parts already.  And surprisingly, Chris is fine with it this year.  I think he's accepted that it's almost impossible for me to be sad or discouraged when I listen to Christmas music. 

I decided two years ago that I would try to add at least one new Christmas album to my collection every year and this year I want to add two.  She and Him has a quirky and fun Christmas album out and I love their sound, so I'm off in search of that.  And then Mindy Gledhill has a new Christmas album out, and I've loved her contributions to other compilations that I have so that one I'll order off of amazon (it would be nearly impossible to find it in a store).

***

You know, the hardest bit about pregnancy is just how humbling it is.  I have no control over what's going on in my body right now.  And I had hoped to spend November and December serving my family because I'll need their help once the Girl gets here.  I didn't want to feel beholden or dependent in any way.  But I will be.  And I'm trying to feel like that's ok.  It's ok to need people and to rely on the family.  It's ok to ask for help.   I'm going to keep telling myself that in the hopes that by the time it gets here it will be a little bit easier.  

***

This is the Boy's favorite song right now:



He wakes up in the morning and says, "Tall and Green, Mama! Tall and Green!"  It's not a Christmas song, but he does DANCE and dance at full TILT.  It's awesome.

***

I have to meet with the nutritionist next week.  I seriously contemplated being bitchy or contemptuous at the very least, because, seriously?  We eat pretty healthy around here as it is.  And then I realized, it's not her fault...it just is what it is.  And you know what?  Pregnancy can have my sense of humor when it pries it from my cold, dead hands.

***

The ladies at the bank gave the Boy a lollipop and now he positively STINKS of high fructose corn syrup.  He loves it (of course), but ugh, he stinketh.  He keeps coming over to hug me and I keep plugging my nose until he goes off to play again.

***

Chris finished up his interview process this morning.  Now we wait.  We're hoping to hear from them one way or another next week. 

***

The fall leaves have been so beautiful this year.  I remember my first Fall quarter at the UW, I was so engrossed in my classes and school work that I didn't even notice the leaves at all.  I had started school when they were all still green and when I surfaced and looked around me, the trees were completely bare.  I had lost a whole season out of my life.  It was a very strange feeling.  Since then, I've tried to be more aware of how the earth under my feet keeps track of time passing.

***

I keep thinking about all the different kinds of sweetness in life.  Natural, artificial, the sweetness on our tongue, but also the sweetness in our ears and on our skin.  The people in our lives that sweeten the difficulties and smooth over the irritations.  I think about all the little limitations, frustrations, irritations and how it seems like Heavenly Father thought of them all...and made sure that there would be appropriate sweeteners for all occasions.  Not an absolute removal...but just enough to make the bitter bearable.

2 comments:

Cel and JP said...

Congrats on the fail!

I failed with amazing precision when I was pregnant with Elena and spent the last three months of pregnancy on the joyful "diet." Email me or call me if you want lots and lots of sympathy, because I think the whole thing is partly a crock and partly helpful; depends on what side of the gestational diabetes meter I'm on :)

Rae said...

I suck and getting and being pregnant and delivering. My body once even faked a pregnancy on me. I called it a tramp and accused it into trying to force me to marry it. (Infertility can have my sense of humor when it pries it from my cold dead hands, eh?) The one thing I do well with the beginning process is recover from my c-sections. I'm a friggin' Olympian at that.

I think Heavenly Father has blessed me in someways with a peace that wouldn't come naturally to me to accept that I have no control over my pregnancies- that I have to submit to Him, to ask my doctor for drugs, to submit myself to testing and monitoring, and cry when the bills come- always during a medically induced hormone high or low. Somedays, I have small fits, like when Michelle Duggar walks another one out. Then I remember a blessing that told me how important the experiences I have gone through to bring my children home will be to me, and how important their timing is. Then I try to be humble, to submit again, and remind myself that they are His even more than they are mine.