Tales of a twin bed or New Ways to Break your Heart

on 01 November 2011

We set up the Big Boy bed last weekend.

Yes.  Finally.  My nearly 3 and a half year old child is now sleeping in a twin bed.  He picked out his own sheets (yellow!  and I mean lemon pudding yellow), and he's happily installed in there with his bright yellow sheets, his animal friends and his Thomas stickers.

(Dear Susie,  the Boy LOVES the Thomas stickers--good call on that one!  He goes in there just to sit on his bed and talk to his Thomas stickers.  It's adorable!)

We spent all weekend in there, cuddling on the bed, reading, playing and just generally being together.  What I had suspected but not really embraced was that the rocking chair cuddles (an integral part of our bedtime routine for the past, oh, 3 and a half years) have now passed away.  He wants a book and a cuddle IN the big boy bed.

And inevitably, the evening concludes with him hugging me and saying, "Mama.  You don't want to LEAVE me!"  And I sit there torn between laughter and tears, because of course, I don't want to leave him.  But I also know that someday, he'll retreat to his room, to this same big boy bed having just said something along the lines of "LEAVE me ALONE." 

Can someone wiser than me please explain why this is so hard?  Why these children break our hearts so repeatedly and like FOOLS we keep going back for more?  I know he's going to grow up and fall in love and leave me, and the worst part is, I WANT him to.  I gave him life so that he could LIVE it...but why oh why it has to break my heart so repeatedly in the process, I know not.

Maybe I'm just really pregnant right now.


Brett said...

So the custom mattress for the funky bed you found in GA never materialized? Sad. But yeah for Cameron. Such a big boy!

Cel and JP said...

I'm not wiser than you, and I don't get it either. It could quite possibly be the most co-dependent relationship I've ever heard of. My only comfort is that ideally, the period of time when they hate us and hurt us is relatively short in the scheme of eternities. And certain pains and trials really do form a stronger bond. Kids cut their teeth on the adults who love them the most. And love them enough to teach them how to behave before unleashing their incisors on a world who will not love them unconditionally. I think one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being is to be their soft, warm place to land no matter what.