Breakfast Cake

My sisters don't generally celebrate their birthdays.  They say it's no big deal, but I can't understand that.  It IS a big deal and I'll tell you why...

Breakfast CAKE.


My birthday is the one and only day of the year that I care not at all about calories or nutritional values.  My Grandma is declinging, so my parents weren't able to come down and see me (and bring me a birthday cake) for my birthday this year, so I made my own.

Want to know the best part about making your own cake?  You get to lick the bowl!

Anyway, the cake stuck to the pans--it's what I get for having delusions of grandeur.  I was going to frost it and decorate it and make it all pretty.  And while I could have chosen to be mad and sulky about it, instead I'm looking at my favorite cake in the world that's not pretty enough to Share with anyone else, so me and the babies get to eat ALL of it.  Straight out of the pan like the wild heathens that we are!

This morning we ate breakfast, then got down the candles lit them and the Boy sang to me and we blew it out together.  We got our forks and shared a charming piece of unfrosted marble cake.  I made him promise not to tell his Pediatrician that we do this once a year.

There were presents too.  My sweet husband bought me a grain grinder and a flannel nightgown.  Truly selfless gifts since he likes his baked goods made with refined white flour and his wife...not decked out in baggy flannel.

I think the reason that my Birthday is a big deal to me is not really the cake or the presents.  It's a day to celebrate my life...the part that's just mine.  And it is a sweet life.  I never expected it to turn out this way, but I'm oh so grateful that it did.  I get to spend my life with these amazing people.  I get to try new things and learn new things and see new places.  And best of all, when I screw up, which is inevitable, I get to try again.

And if those things aren't worth celebrating, I don't know what is.

Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday.

All of us locals descended on my sister's house to feast and talk and laugh together.   The dinner was delicious, the conversation was lively, the setting was informal; it was everything I look for in a familial holiday celebration.  Though, we all admitted that there had never before been so many vegetables on our Thanksgiving table.  Thank you, Gestational Diabetes.

My Dad, Chris, and my BIL Jeff all hung out outside with the frying turkey.  While us women-folk stayed inside minding the roasting turkey and the sides.  Who am I kidding?  I did quite a lot of just sitting and chatting because the Belly is growing epic and developing it's own gravitational force.  Don't stray too close to me or you'll end up having to orbit me until the BIRTH.

It really was fun, and I'm not someone who LOVES Thanksgiving, but Chris does, which means he gets particularly sassy.  And who's NOT amused by that?!  The Boy did more playing than eating, but at one point (somewhere between the Feast and the Pies) I walked in on him in the kitchen with a big ol' fistful of  turkey just munching away.   My little happy savage.

We all stayed until dark and then began to drift back towards our own homes.  Chris bathed the Boy and then cleaned up our own kitchen (I had cooked all of the veggies before getting to Sherry's.  I knew the kitchen would be crazy, but I left the MESS for later).

***

Chris is working today.  He volunteered because he is a good guy and a team player and all of that stuff.  We're going to put up our Christmas tree this evening once he's home.  And then tomorrow he and the Boy are heading down to Savannah for his great-Grandmother's 105th birthday celebration.

Yes, I'm nervous about him taking the Boy.  Yes, I'll probably worry about them all weekend.  But yes, I'm still going to pack their bags and kiss them good-bye and let them go.  They will have a blast together.  Chris will get to do all those things that I frown over when I have to watch (like taking the Boy out on the 4-wheeler and feeding him ice cream at 9 o'clock at night).  And the Boy will get some good lovin' from his Pa-Paw and Aunt Nancy and Grandma Mildred, and then they will come home.

As for me, I'm going to use my time wisely to work on some Christmas gifts that I've been neglecting.  I'm hoping that with a wide open schedule and no one to need me, I'll be able to crank them out in good time.

***

I try to do some good thinking this time of year.  I like to use Thanksgiving, rather than the busyness of Christmas, to take stock.  I like to ponder about the year that's been, the changes that have come, and are coming.  And most of all the blessings (some more overt than others) that have come our way.

It's been a hard year.  A good year, but a hard year.  Chris and I were talking last week after hearing about the most recent rejection and we were chuckling over how it seems a long time since we had an EASY year.  But for all it's struggles, it's highs and lows, it's frustrations, irritations and expectations, we remain grateful.  It was a good year.  We spent much of it insulated by family who consistently reminded us to have faith, to be obedient and patient, to take care of each other, and gradually things would work out.  And while some things have (i.e. the Girl), other things have not (i.e. the Job).  But for all that, we have each other and we have the Boy, and we have our home and our family and just enough.  And this year, that is a Blessing indeed.

Miracles

I believe in miracles.

After all, I live with one every single day.  It's impossible to spend much time around the Boy and not acknowledge something otherworldly about him.

So that I believe in Divine Intervention in the following story should not surprise any of you.

***

Last Friday I stopped in the leasing office of our complex to pick up a package.  As I walked in the door one of the leasing agents said, "Speak of the Devil!"  And I (unaccustomed to having people admit they've been talking about me) said, "Uh-oh.  What?"  She then went on to ask if there was any way Chris and I would consider staying in our apartment, we're such good tenants, they hate to lose us, blah blah blah.  Then she said, "What if I could offer you a zero increase on your rent for 6 months?  Would you think about it?"  And I stood there and tried really hard not to cry.

Naturally, I said that I would take it to Chris and she should call me when she heard back from her senior manager about the zero increase and we'd make a decision then. 

I talked to Chris about it and his reaction was along the lines of, "HECK YEAH we'd stay!"  So then we waited.

The leasing agent called back, of course, they couldn't make the ZERO increase work, but she had talked her senior manager down to just $40.  Could we pay $40 more a month in rent?  And no, it wasn't perfect.  It wasn't the ideal.  But it was a way out of Moving Hell.  So I said I would talk to Chris.  And after chatting over the pros and cons and mixed feelings (we're still not crazy about the management of our complex, we're not wild about many of the clientele, the rent is still outrageous for what our apartment is, and the way they distribute utilities is an absolute SCAM), we decided to stay for another 6 months. 

Of course we did.

Because if any of you have been reading Burnstopia for very long you know us by now.  You know that we speak hastily, even recklessly, but we act conservatively.  It saves us having to move while pregnant.  It saves the expense of an additional move, it provides us with an additional 6 months in which to house hunt, and at a still workable rate of cost.  Of course, we're staying put.

And all of this got me thinking about miracles.  I think human beings stopped believing in miracles because we expected them to be perfect, to solve ALL of our problems, or better to make them all just go away.  And what living with the Boy has taught me is that miracles are rarely (if ever) perfect.  They seldom meet all of our would-be specifications.  But they are ENOUGH. 

I've also been pondering a lot on this notion of sufficient.  Just having enough.  Not more, not less, just enough.  And while I still wish for an excess of energy, or time, or money...I'm content with this little miracle just as it is.  It's a huge burden off of our collective plates.  Chris came home from work Friday night positively cheerful, which he hadn't been all week--because looking at apartment listings will do that to a man.



And now...I can NEST.

The Christmas Spirit

Merry Christmas, y'all!

The Christmas Spirit

Just another Tuesday

I woke up this morning after having really weird dreams last night.

I woke up with a cold in my head.

I woke up with a rumbly in my tumbly.

The Boy woke up Foul Foul Foul because he woke up too early and had gone to bed too late last night.

I was really indecisive about breakfast so we didn't eat until later and the Boy was screaming mad and also HUNGRY.

My kitchen is a wreck.

The Boy has gone back to pooping in his diapers and not telling me about it so his room is quite malodorous this morning.

I haven't vacuumed since Wednesday and there's kitty litter strewn from one end of the apartment o another.

Chris is exhausted and Foul with work right now.

Chris is also really discouraged.

I haven't made Christmas cookies for the cookie plates.

I haven't finished my Christmas shopping.

I have been sitting at my desk, sipping on a diet coke left behind by my parents (thank you PARENTS!) and feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself while the Boy strip mines my kitchen cupboards.

And yet.


For all that, I'm still grateful that I'm NOT Tiger Woods this morning. 

I'm grateful that I'm NOT Tiger Wood's wife.  For all their millions, their gated mansion, their playing golf for a living, their housekeepers and nannies, I'm grateful NOT to be them this morning. 

I'm grateful that I don't live in Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, or Pakistan today. 

I'm grateful that we have a job. 

I'm grateful that I'm not addicted to heroin, cocaine, vicodan, alcohol, or anything more damaging than diet coke. 

I'm grateful for lovely classical music and the ability to listen to it any time I feel the least bit stressed.

I'm grateful for the tupperware in my kitchen cupboards and that it amuses my grumpy child.

I'm grateful for my grumpy child because even when he's grumpy life is better, sweeter, fuller, richer than when we had no child at all.



Now, if you will all excuse me, I'm going to go vacuum my apartment and put the tupperware back in the cupboards. 

Thankful

Tradition holds that we after we all stuff ourselves full, we sit around the table and gab.  It usually starts with us sharing what we're thankful for this year.

This year I'm thankful for...

• The Gospel (please see that link on the side about what we believe)
  
• gainful employment
• healthy bodies
• the Boy
• the Boy's laugh which is more contagious than the swine flu
• Chris Chris Chris
• good books
• my parents who listen to me whine and then remind me that I can do hard things, who trek down here to spend time with me and the Boy, who bring lovely breezes of North Carolina and cheeky humor with them, who kept my boy and cared for him like no other so that Chris and I could run off to New York like a couple of irresponsible teen-agers.
  
• my sisters for their amazing examples
• Chris' family, especially Dad and Mike--I still haven't forgotten them driving down here to unload our truck, and that after having worked a long hard day.  They are amazing men and I'm grateful for them.
  
• the scriptures
• So many amazing friends I can't even count.  I don't deserve them all.  I suppose I could see this as a side benefit to moving around a lot, but I miss them horribly where ever I end up...
  
• cameras--I know this seems random and weird, but seriously, I take pictures of the Boy or the cats and just looking at them can make me crack up laughing regardless of how disasterous the day may be going.
• my car, Arabella rocks y'all.
  
• opportunities to grow
• my laptop, it's so great to have a space to write and to be creative...
• my sewing machine...I used to have massive anxiety about sewing, but I've taken a sort of zen approach to it and now it's just really nice to be able to sit down and create something, put some pieces together when it seems like the whole world is coming apart.
• having Chris home ALL DAY today and tomorrow.  I'll be honest, I gave him the option to go into the office to catch up, and I would not have been resentful if he had chosen to do so, for I know how very stressed he is.  But I'm SO happy to have him HOME!

This is a partial list, so feel free to add yours to the comments.  Now go eat!

Miracle of the Day

So, I may have mentioned this before, but I cannot remember just now because I am all a-dither with excitement.

Once upon a time, the Husband and I were visiting la familia in Savannah and the FIL was flipping through the TV channels and happened upon a televangelist who was talking (in all caps) about how you have to EXPECT THE MIRACLE! BECAUSE MIRACLES ARE HAPPENING EVERYDAY SO IF YOU EXPECT THE MIRACLE THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE!!!

Dudes. The Boy SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!

Here's the longer story.

Remember how I am a DUMB Mom? Yeah, well, she strikes again. I'm over it at this point. I consider it a miracle we even had a child, AND kept him alive this long...so my mistakes, yeah, they're just to be EXPECTED if you know what I mean.

My lovely friend, Sarah, was extolling the virtues of having Summer babies to me when I was bemoaning the fact that I would be 9 months pregnant in JULY in THE SOUTH, and she was all, "It's GREAT!!! All you need is a t-shirt and a diaper! No coats! No fleecies! No snowsuits!" And she was very very correct. It was brilliant! Especially at the end of the day when he was all Spit-up-Stinktastic and I could strip him down to just his diaper and give him a quick wipes bath. But alas, the Summer, it has ended.

Now, the Husband and I, we love us some Fall weather. We crack the doors and windows and we bask in the cool (i.e. COLD) fresh air. And lo, we are CHEAP so we don't turn the heat on in our apartment until it becomes FRIGID (i.e. weeks BELOW freezing). So, I was a bit baffled when our lovely Boy who had been getting only up once a night started getting up every 3-4 hours (and sometimes every 2)! He's grown out of his lovely layette gowns and into his full-on FEETY pajamas, and we would swaddle him up in a single piece of flannel every night.

It has sort of maybe got down below 40 the past week of nights when he was waking up every 2-3 hours...and it only just occured to me Sunday night, that...um...well, maybe he was a bit cold. I'm no genius here, but when I get up the 4th time with my wee Boy and his hands feel like ICE, it might be a sign that feety pajamas and a single weight flannel are just not sufficent to keep him warm.

Last night I filled him fully of delicious Mama-Cream, situated him in his feety pajamas and swaddled him up tight in a DOUBLE weight flannel blanket and lo, HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. 7 PM to 6:30 AM. Needless to say I have covered his face with kisses!

We just won't think about the kind of leaking or PAIN which occured in Bed Sweet Bed because of the Boy's neglect because OH THE JOY, HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!

Now you! What's your miracle of the day?

Grateful

So, I meant to post this one on Tuesday so I'm only a couple of days late. Dude. Cut me some slack, I have a cold. And we've been very busy around here what with the sneezing and the coughing and all while trying NOT to sneeze and cough on the baby who is slurping up all my antibodies...it's very difficult work, requiring intense concentration and catlike coordination.

Who am I kidding? I've been napping with the Boy. But that other stuff too about trying not to contaminate him with (what I'm sure are) nuclear GERMS.

Anyway, I've been thinking about this week. If I had opted to return to my former workplace, Tuesday would have been my first day back at work. And it would have been the Boy's first day in childcare of some kind.

And as I sat around Tuesday trying NOT to sneeze and cough on the Boy with my nuclear germs, I thought about this fact and I sank under this wave of relief and gratitude. Gratitude that I can stay home with him, that I don't have to make that first horrible good-bye so soon, that I don't have to leave him in the care of strangers who maybe wouldn't try to shield him from THEIR nuclear germs. And as I thought about how grateful I am to be home with him, to have him all to myself for this short time, I thought about the other things that I'm grateful for and I thought that maybe I should write it all down as a little digital time capsule of this moment when the Boy was young and I was a very very beginner mom.

Things I'm Grateful for:

• to be able to stay home with the boy. Both for the freedom to choose to do what is best for my family, and for the financial ability to do so.
• to have such a wonderful husband who is funny and smart and respectful of me. He works very hard for us and I tease him mercilessly about being a caveman or a 1950s husband, but it's not true. He would love me and support me whatever my choice.
  
• that we believe the same things and that we don't fight.
• for our little home. It's small and plain and not fancy in the least but it's ours and it's home and I'm always so grateful and relieved when we walk through the door.
• for other people's genius. I studied literature for years and I spend a good part of every day reading. Reading for myself and reading to the Boy. I studied literature because I do not have the necessary genius to write it and I'm always grateful for the genius of others, for their courage and tenacity in writing beautiful words for me to read.
• fruits and vegetables in their seasons. I love fresh fruits and veg.
• family. They were there with me at the beginning and they will be there with me at the end. We pick and fight and tease and sometimes we hurt one another, but I know that at the end of the day, they will be the ones still standing, waiting on me.
• friends. Who are the family of our choice.
• the peace that comes from loving and from being loved.
  
• the small, quiet face that goes with the tiny sleeping body who is napping in his crib right now.

That's not everything, but I don't have time to write everything...there are cheeks that need to be smooched even in their sleep. And also I have to read this book for book club...I've sort of gotten sidetracked with family and the boy and being sick and I'd really like to at least read half of the book so that I can sort of talk somewhat intelligently about it.

No Kvetching--something NEW!

Yeah...so last week was maybe not such a good one...but this week is shaping up to be FANTASTIC.

Why? You ask. It's Monday after all.

Well, to start off with, these fine people had their baby girl early this morning and the labor was fast--unpleasant, but FAST. And we got to go over first thing this morning and meet her--y'all she is Beautiful! And if we've waited and waited for little Miss Olivia to make her appearance, you should have seen her parents! Dave is adorably ecstatic and Sarah is radiant and beautiful and I really hope that I look half that good after giving birth! We're so blessed to have such wonderful friends in our life.

And well, maybe it was all the new baby-ness in the room but I've just melted into a warm puddle of goo with the Husband. I know that I do my fair share of whining--especially about work, and that's not likely to change any time soon--but if I do, it's only because things are so good with the Husband. I don't have much at all to complain about with him and what I do have is really negligible. He's absolutely wonderful. And no, he's not perfect, but he's perfect for me. He's a good man, intelligent, kind, supportive and so so excited to meet our boy that I couldn't ask for a better partner to go through this whole experience with.

Also, it's raining, and I love rain.

And my boss got back together with her certain someone over the weekend so she's in a really good mood.

I didn't sleep much last night, but I did get to have chocolate ice cream at my parent's house. And a long chat with my Grandma. And I spent Saturday with my sister and it's just always nice to know that if Bad things happen, your family will look out for you.

So, yes, I'm at work and it's mindless and irritating, but today? Today life is really good.

Big Whinging

So. I feel a bit bad. Well, in more ways than one. It seems since falling ill I have become unable to do anything other than whine and whinge. So. As a break from that regularly scheduled programming, I thought that I would channel my love of lists into an exercise for today:

Things I loved about Today:

-The lovely Husband popping in to say hi and smooch me, in spite of co-workers and cooties.

-Italian chocolate with hazelnuts that MD brought me from her trip to Italy.

-No high maintenance people for whom I work...

-Three words: Sierra Mist Free. mmmm, refreshing.

-Wonderful emails from my bestest girlfriend Whimsy.

-Discovery of expat blogs. oh so so funny.


Alright, that's all for now. I must go home. Cuddle with The Increasingly Pitiful Cats. Help The Husband. And begin again tomorrow.