Better and Better

on 09 October 2013

You know what's even MORE awesome than 2 straight weeks of sick?

A Girl with double ear infections.

The really sad part?  I had no clue.  None.  She woke up Tuesday morning at 6am absolutely inconsolable.  I tried everything to calm her down, but to no avail.  I assumed she was just being a pill and went about my day.  She was feverish and listless all afternoon, so I was worried that she was getting sick again, but I didn't think she was sick STILL.

Tuesday afternoon was bad enough that I called and made a doctor's appointment for her.

Tuesday night was HORRIBLE.  She would sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up drenched in sweat and screaming hysterically.  I would dose her with Tylenol, then it was just lather rinse repeat.  All night long.

At 3am, I was at my wits end.  So she and I laid out on the couch for a couple of hours until I realized that neither of us were comfortable and moved us to Bed Sweet Bed.  By 7am, it became apparent that she had no intention of going back to sleep.  And by that point, I was just DONE.  

Done with being screamed at.
Done with not knowing what was wrong.
Done with not being able to fix the problem.
Done with having a hot brick of a child hanging around my neck.
Done with everyone in my house being sleep deprived and grouchy.  Done.  Done.  Done.

But short of running away from home, what can you do?  Nothing.  So I got up and made breakfast.  (Chris very wisely called out of work for the day, I think he sensed that my sanity was on the VERGE.)

Everyone got dressed and we watched some Mormon Messages on youtube because that was right about our energy level.  Then headed to the doctor's office.

Our pediatrician?  Yeah, he's so awesome he basically diagnosed her without touching her.  (Which is convenient since she hates him with the fire of a thousand suns.)  He eventually checked her lungs, nose, throat and ears (it took all three of us to hold her down so that he could take a peek--I'm not exaggerating about the intensity of her loathing of a very nice doctor), confirmed what he already knew and emailed the prescription in to the pharmacy.

We left and headed to the pharmacy and I was relieved but also feeling vaguely monstrous.

I just had no idea that she had an ear infection, much less TWO.  I just thought she was being a diva because she didn't sleep well for whatever reason.  I thought she just woke up grouchy (she's done that before).  She wasn't pulling at her ears or indicating that she was in pain in any way.  Granted she was crying, but she's a toddler, she cries over nothing with alarming regularity.  Consequently, I hadn't been anywhere near compassionate in my treatment of her.  I had not been sympathetic, I hadn't even been very patient.  But once I understood what was wrong, suddenly, I understood why she had been behaving the way she was behaving.

And then I started to just feel stupid.  STUPID.  What is wrong with me?  I am a rational adult.  Why didn't it even occur to me that she had an ear infection or that something was seriously wrong?   I told my sister later on, that I have never felt so woefully unqualified for my daily work on such a regular basis, as I do now that I mother.  I never know what the right thing to do is.  I don't instinctively know what's wrong with my kids.  I can't read minds or hearts.  I need WORDS.

And words with my Girl are thin on the ground.

And so we arrive at the middle of the week and I have not schooled with my Boy the way that I should have, or normally would.  I have not done my church work (that I still really need to do).  I have not been down to visit my Grandma. 

So if you'll all excuse me for the next few days, I have a sick girl who wants to wallow me.  


jsibley said...

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I cannot count how many times I have thought "I'M THE MOM!! I should have gotten this!!" and it's a miserable feeling. I have two kids who do not fit any mold or pattern and do not behave like any text book. You also apparently have a tough little chica who is blazing a new trail. From the stories I hear of her she sounds like she has an inner 'fire' like her mother. To heck with school. It's time to wallow this week. We're right there with you, too. *croak* *cough, cough*