Hot Fruit Eaters--How wrong you are.

Ok, so I promised this post to Whimsy quite some time ago and here it is at last. I can't promise that it will be witty or funny or anything other than a rant against any and all forms of hot fruit out there, so readers, ye be warned.

I've always had some food issues. I can't take time to explain them all, I need a shower. But I can give you the run down on one big one and a small subset issue regarding FRUIT. And since it's summer time, it seems appropriate.

I love fruit. I love fruit, fresh and in it's season. Eat peaches in the summer and only in the summer. And likewise, fall is the best and really only time for apples. Chris and I went to Costco and stocked up on fresh produce, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, peaches, and cherries. Mostly we eat them fresh, room temperature in the case of the peaches, or COLD. Cold otherwise known as The Only Proper Way to eat FRUIT.

Chris just came in and saw what I was doing and demanded that I allow the exception for Pie. Pie can be eaten hot or cold in his opinion. I will allow the motion to carry but only for certain kinds of Pie. Namely, Peach Pie or, in very occasional circumstances, Blueberry Pie. All other pie should be served room temperature! All in favor, say Aye.

What really grosses me out are the fruit compotes. Or. OR! The people who insist on pairing HOT fruit with things like MEAT. UGH! Oh, gag. Am feeling nauseous just thinking about it. My favorite BIL likes hot cherry sauce on his HAM. HAM! UGH. I love Jeff, but MAN, that's revolting.

I've never really stopped to analyze why I hate the Hot Fruit so much. I think because it's so FAR from normal. Fruit ceases to be hot as soon as it is plucked from the ripening sun and brought inside to be consumed. From there on, it's all over with the hotness and it should be consumed as nature intended it--room temperature. But then! Then! Man went and invented the refrigerator and discovered how beautiful cold fruit can be, and thus, the modern age was born. Once strawberries went into the refrigerator, they not only lasted longer, but they TASTED better!

And refrigerator is a really hard word to spell. Moving on!

I think my love of cold fruit is why I also think that smoothies are the most perfect thing ever. It's fruit--COLD. Blended with yogurt and protein powder and therefore it can be consumed with a STRAW requiring no hands or dishes. It's brilliant! Chris says it's not real food. He's very hobbitish in his beliefs about eating--proper meals involve chewing.

I will allow that a slice of peach pie, warm from the oven and topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream that melts into all the soft folds of the peaches, is a thing of beauty. And I have upon occasion sampled Chris' blueberry pie, likewise warm from the oven and melting into a purple swirl with vanilla ice cream, is also occasionally pleasant. But stray too far from that pie path and all goes WRONG.

I don't like apple pie, I never eat it. Someday I'll post a list on this blog of the other ways in which I am unamerican, but that's not really for today. Cook an apple and you ruin it. Apples should be crisp and crunchy and nothing else.

Cherry pie is awesome, particularly when made with sour cherries, but it's best at room temperature. Strawberry pie is best with fresh NOT cooked strawberries and therefore eaten COLD.

And that bring us to the end of M's happy walking tour through the world of Pie. I can't begin to comprehend what on earth people would want with any other form of hot fruit. I see recipes for compotes but I have NO idea what they would be used for because anything and everything seems WRONG with a compote. And we shall not, shall NOT I say, go near the idea of Mincemeat.