31 October 2007

Just another Wednesday Morning

I thought you'd all enjoy, yet another, slice of my daily life. (Note* Names and places have been changes to protect the not so innocent but I don't want to enrage the fates.)

I was sitting at my desk minding my own business reading blogs when my phone rang. so I answered it:

Me: Health Stuff and Accouterments*, this is Me*****, how can I help you?

Caller (with a thick Southern accent): Yes, ma'am, I found your number on the Internet. Is this Health Stuff and Accouterments*?

Me: Yes, ma'am.

Caller: Well. Let me ask you, how are you affiliated with the Centers for Disease Control?

Me (starting to be a little weirded out at this point): Ma'am, we're not affiliated with the Centers for Disease Control, the CDC is its own entity. We're affiliated with University in another State*.

Caller: Well, let me ask you this, I contracted an STD a while ago. I was messin' around wi' this man and he tol' me that he tested positive for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia and I KNOW my body! I knows I had Gonorrhea and I been goin' to my doctor and they keeps tellin' me that the tests is negative, they negative, they negative, but I knows my body! I knows I got something from this man I was messing with! I am a 57 year ol' woman and my doctors they just messing with me like I am some kind of guinea pig that they can jus' experiment on and it ain't right! And I am gonna TELL someBODY cause it ain't RIGHT!

Me: Ma'am, where are you calling from?

Caller: Atlanta, Georgia.

Me: Ma'am you've contacted the university of AN-OTHER STATE in Another City*. There's nothing I can do for you if you're in Atlanta, Georgia.

Caller: Well some body's got to do somethin' because this just ain't RIGHT!

Me: Well, ma'am, perhaps you should contact a lawyer.

Caller: Well, I got one of those but I don't trust him. And here I am I could be dyin' of HIV or somethin'!

Me: Ma'am, I'm awfully sorry for you, this sure is a difficult situation.

Caller: Yes, it sure is. I think I'm just gonna have to write some letters STARTIN' with the President and just goin' on down the line! I knows I gots to tell somebody if I has an STD and I know my body!

Me: Well, I think that's probably the best thing to do in this situation. You have a nice day now.

Caller: Well, okay, bye.



Yep. This is my job. Funtastic, no?

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6 Comments:

At October 31, 2007 at 4:40 PM , Anonymous kirida said...

Is this bad that I loved reading this?

 
At October 31, 2007 at 5:38 PM , Anonymous Heidi said...

No way that really happened! That is hysterical. (Poor woman, I hope she figures out how to get the help she wants).

 
At October 31, 2007 at 5:43 PM , Anonymous Whimsy said...

I need to start more sentences with "Well, I'm just going to have to write a letter, starting with the President." There are many such things that would be helped by such letters, including how loudly my next-door neighbor plays his piano - the piano that just happens to be butted up against our living room wall.

 
At November 1, 2007 at 8:45 AM , Anonymous SH said...

Ha! I love it!! Oh the joys of working for Health Stuff and Accouterments!!! :-)
Hope today provides you with just as wonderful a morning!

 
At November 1, 2007 at 9:05 AM , Anonymous Tess said...

This is so ridiculous and funny that I would have immediately suspected my husband for pranking me.

 
At November 7, 2007 at 2:23 PM , Anonymous Swistle said...

PEOPLE. What is UP with them?

 

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