A Vegetarian Dilemma

I've been a vegetarian for 13 years.  I got sick and went to doctors and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so I started to eliminate things from my diet.  I got down to what was essentially a vegan diet, and that's the point where things normalized.  But I was STARVING all the time.  So I gradually added in dairy and occasional eggs. 

But that didn't fix all the problems.  My guts were still...inconsistent.  Unpredictable.  I was still having good days and bad days.  But I didn't know what was wrong and I was now out of health insurance.  So I just accepted that it was what it was and left it alone.  For 13 years.

When I was pregnant with the Boy, I craved meat.  And not normal cravings, intense, insatiable cravings.  I didn't give in to them, I was too scared of being sick again.  So I did the best I could with beans and soy and cheese and eggs.  And nothing really changed.

And then this year...my weight has been...off...since the Boy was born.  It took a long time to bounce back from the pregnancy and delivery and nursing, and then it took a looooooong time to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight which was still MORE than I normally weigh.  I spent an inordinate amount of time tweaking my diet and workouts, trying to get my body to loosen it's grip.  And so I switched to protein at some point in every meal, thinking that I was eating too many carbohydrates and perhaps that was what was messing with my weight.  So I switched to soy protein at breakfast, beans, nuts and nut butters throughout the day and usually some soy protein in the evening.  I feel like my blood sugar evened out and I definitely consumed less sugar through the day, but I didn't see a noticeable difference in my weight.

And then...well, I was just so tired all the time, run down, drained and depleted, just not great in general.  So, come the Spring, I started to think about the last 13 years as a vegetarian, and really ponder a return to meat.  I vacillated, I waffled, I reached new heights of indecision.  One day I would be absolutely determined that I was going back to meat, and the next day I would think...no...not yet.  So, while I vacillated and waffled, I incorporated more fish into my diet and hoped that would fix it.

I've been feeling worse in the past couple of weeks, and craving a wide variety of meats.  So on Father's Day, Chris carved me up 2 ounces of red meat and let me just say, it was delicious.   Paired with a giant serving of salad and a medium serving of potatoes, it was a perfect dinner.  And for the next 4 hours, I wasn't hungry, and for the first time in WEEKS, I wasn't completely exhausted.  And that's saying something.

Here's the thing.  I believe everyone should choose what works for them.  I believe that EVERYONE needs to eat more fruits and veg than they probably do.  I believe in moderation in ALL things, including how and what they eat.  I don't want to have a grand debate on the virtues of vegetarianism.  Because I believe people should choose to do what works for them. 

For the time being, I'm going back to an omnivorous diet.  I think it's what my body and my life needs right now.